You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
