I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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