I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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