If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
