I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
