Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
