belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
