hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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