so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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