He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The air was thick with penises
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
