I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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