fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
