btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's shark week go big or go home
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
