I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
