you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
