Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

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(417): Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable http://tfl.nu/hmli

Replies (14) Good night (5492) Bad night (885)
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(904): View more from Florida

I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that

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(904): I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that http://tfl.nu/s246

Replies (4) Good night (2932) Bad night (768)
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(519): View more from Ontario

My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things

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(519): My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things http://tfl.nu/16j6

Replies (11) Good night (1208) Bad night (2681)
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(210): View more from Texas

Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.

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(210): Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it. http://tfl.nu/xm4g

Replies (4) Good night (1670) Bad night (709)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?

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(248): Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date? http://tfl.nu/49q5

Replies (14) Good night (2563) Bad night (884)
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(207): View more from Maine

I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.

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(207): I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager. http://tfl.nu/qawn

Replies (3) Good night (998) Bad night (471)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song

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(908): Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song http://tfl.nu/uwq0

Replies (13) Good night (1474) Bad night (578)
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(207): View more from Maine

we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else

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(207): we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else http://tfl.nu/gty0

Replies (5) Good night (1467) Bad night (530)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.

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(724): I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over. http://tfl.nu/3u0b

Replies (7) Good night (1533) Bad night (617)
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(810): View more from Michigan

you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.

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(810): you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam. http://tfl.nu/qr51

Replies (1) Good night (642) Bad night (405)
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(801): View more from Utah

You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.

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(801): You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it. http://tfl.nu/4jnb

Replies (1) Good night (561) Bad night (283)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.

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(701): If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times. http://tfl.nu/s20h

Replies (5) Good night (720) Bad night (320)
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(330): View more from Ohio

can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism

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(330): can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism http://tfl.nu/db2b

Replies (3) Good night (666) Bad night (304)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.

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(303): Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win. http://tfl.nu/fxme

Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (437)
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(+61): View more from Australia

Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose

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(+61): Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose http://tfl.nu/qf33

Replies (2) Good night (287) Bad night (284)

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