I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
