Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
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You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.