There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
