I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
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on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge