And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.