What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
