I cannot find my penis.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize