The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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