i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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