I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
