Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
