he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
