The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
