so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize