I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
