Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
be right there i have to get my cape
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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