Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
