He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
