remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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