Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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