It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
