Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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