She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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