maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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