she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
