If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
