Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
