guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We left an ass print on the piano.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
