A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
