a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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