woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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