i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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