Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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