As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
