I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
