I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
