the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
