oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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