your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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