I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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