ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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