remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's the barista slut.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
