i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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