I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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