He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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