At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
These tits shall not be calmed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
