When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
