i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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