Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
