finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
