There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
