Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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