I wanna bring you to show and tell
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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