those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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