so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you had me at cake vodka
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
