you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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