Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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