so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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