So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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