good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
