he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
