I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
